Learning about Myself

The more I watched this family, the more I longed to be a part of it. I dreamed of the day I would be able to present myself to them, hoping that they would accept. I did not know how I would do it, but it was all I thought about. I wanted to be accepted and have a family just like Felix, Agatha and the old man had. One day after performing one of my usual chores at night I found three books: Paradise Lost, Plutarch's Lives, and Sorrows of Werter. "I can hardly describe to you the effect of these books. They produced in me an infinity of new images and feelings, that  sometime raised me to ecstasy, but more frequently sunk me into the lowest dejection." (pg. 103) I started comparing my situations to the books and comparing how I felt. I tried to relate to the characters, but I soon realized that i was "hideous, and my stature gigantic." (pg. 104) I learned why people feared me and why I was so different from mankind. After realizing this I knew it would be very difficult to have the family accept me. I also wondered why my creator built me like this. I started to resent him for not only creating me how I was, but for also abandoning me.

One night the old man was all alone. Since he was blind I knew that he could not be driven off by my appearance. I decided this was the time I would finally present myself and try to become accepted by the family. I spoke to the man about my problems and how I longed to be accepted by my friends. While I was speaking to the man the door opened and in walked Felix, Safie and Agatha. I broke down in tears asking for the old man to save, but Felix sprinted over and attacked me. I could have easily killed Felix, but I was so heartbroken that I let him hit me until I ran away.